When “I do” becomes to-do

by Stacey

The five-year anniversary of my marriage is coming up in a couple of weeks. Conveniently, it falls on a Saturday. Yesterday I booked the babysitter. As her cell phone rang in my ear, I imagined my husband and I enjoying a decadent dinner at one of Seattle’s trendy restaurants. I smugly checked “get a babysitter” off the to-do list and moved on to “pick up end of the year gift for Sage’s teacher.”

But the image of the two us alone at the table has lingered today. I’m looking forward to the time together, but I’m also realizing it’s been awhile since we’ve been able to just enjoy each other’s company. Our second child was born close to six months ago and we’ve had almost no time to ourselves since he was born.

I’ve read that studies show the birth of a child can decrease marital happiness. I don’t know why this is, although I could guess. Sleep deprivation, piles and piles of laundry, conversations and ordeals surrounding the topic of poop, to name a few.

But for us I would venture the biggest obstacle to happiness is time. There isn’t enough of it. Time for the kids, time for ourselves, time for work, and it seems lastly, time for our marriage.

Right now, I’d say we’re running on reserves. We’re doing okay, I think we both still feel happy in our marriage. But I know if we wait too long, the scales could tip.

So I think tonight I’ll humbly pull out that to-do list and write down, “find something sexy to wear.” I know one date night isn’t enough to make up for six months of coasting, but it’s a start.



Filed under baby, family life, kids, life, love, marriage, relationships

2 responses to “When “I do” becomes to-do

  1. autumnbeth

    I hope you had a wonderful date. Three cheers for finding something sexy to wear. I am sure the planning and thinking about it made you feel even sexier.

    I just saw a short film in which a man is sitting at a restaurant waiting for his wife to arrive. As he waits, he thinks of all the things that made him fall in love with her. He is sentimental about them because he knows he is going to leave her. This dinner is when he is going to tell her it is all over and he is moving on.

    She arrives, very emotional and he finds out she is dying. So instead of leaving her he knows he must stick by her and pretend to be the man she fell in love with.

    As he goes through the motions, doing all of her favorite things, and giving her everything, he becomes more in love with her than ever. And years after she dies he is still heartbroken and full heartedly in love with her.

    Being French, the film was pulled off very beautifully, but I think this rings true with whatever we do. If we make sure we go through the actions, we end up believing it more ourselves and become these actions.

    If you make yourself laugh and smile during the darkest of times, just to put on a happy face, the dark times end up being a bit lighter. If you pretend you are strong, you will soon believe it and so will others.

    So remember to go through the actions to be a beautiful sexy mom and wife.

  2. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. I think there is truth in what you say.

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