last weekend, i went to a party and had some extra drinks. i came home late after the girls were asleep, expecting to fall into bed. lily unexpectedly woke up so i went to check on her. i told her i couldn’t nurse because my milk wasn’t good for her right then and readied myself for a big tantrum.
instead, she just accepted it. she patted my face, kissed my nose (?!), smiled at me and gave me hugs. it felt like she was taking care of me. we cuddled for a while, she fell asleep and i put her back into her crib.
five days later, i am in some serious pain. my breasts are swollen, sore and alarmingly lumpy with exploding milk ducts. they start throbbing if anyone looks at me. i have never been more aware of my huge, throbbing, exploding boobs.
lily, on the other hand, is doing great. she just let go. she goes to bed, wakes up and takes naps without asking to nurse. i am thankful, bewildered and kind of ashamed. i think i’ve been underestimating her.